


Anniversary

by asmyladycommands



Category: Daredevil (TV), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, F/M, Lots of Angst, Slow Burn, frank shows up at the end, hints of jealous matt because why the hell not
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-17
Updated: 2016-05-17
Packaged: 2018-06-09 00:30:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,874
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6882082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asmyladycommands/pseuds/asmyladycommands
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Karen's plans for the anniversary of her brother's death go nothing like she had planned. Instead of a drunken night, she gets a visit from Matt and it doesn't end well.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Anniversary

**Author's Note:**

> This is the very first piece of fanfiction I have ever written, I hope everyone enjoys it!  
> I've been in love with both Kastle and Karedevil, so this one features a little bit of both, altough I would say it's more Kastle-centric, although it may not seem so in the beginning.  
> Also, Frank does make an appearance, just hang in there, Kastle shippers, you'll get your turn!  
> There's a lot of Karen's POV before there's any real dialogue, and it takes a while before Frank shows up.  
> I just wanted to really establish where Karen's relationship with Frank is at, as well as what are her current feelings towards Matt. And I wanted to do this as realistic as possible and not have Frank and Karen just jump into a rushed romance.  
> I hope you like it.  
> I might write a second part, we'll see!  
> Feedback will be dearly appreciated. :)

Today was the 6th anniversary of her brother’s death. Karen had pushed the thought away the whole day. Avoided thinking about it. Filled her head with work instead. It had been a long day at The Bulletim. She couldn’t wait to come home, take a long, hot shower, get her bottle of Jack and drink until she fell asleep.

She was chasing down some leads from a serial killer case. That was new. Just when she thought Hell’s Kitchen’s crime and violence problems couldn’t get any worse, a serial killer comes into the picture, on top of Fisk, Yakusa, Russian mafia, Japanese cults that drained people’s bloods and sent murderous ninjas to kidnap people. Clearly she had underestimated the city’s power to attract bad people its way.

This guy had already killed 4 people. Women. Young. Pretty. _Blonde_. All found raped and murdered. It made Karen’s stomach curl. She could have been any of those women. Coming home from a late night at work, like she was right now. Coming out of the subway station. Getting her car in a dark parking lot. But it wasn’t her. No, not when she had Frank Castle on her tail. She knows he follows her around whenever he can. Keeps an eye on her. He thinks (or maybe she thinks he thinks) she doesn’t notice, but she does. She has caught a glimpse of him more than once – on rooftops, in dark alleys – his strong, large silhouette and, of course, the unmistakable big white skull painted in his vest. They didn’t speak for 2 months after he told her was already dead. Well, for a man who was supposed to be dead, he sure as hell showed up at her apartment a lot. And very much alive, at that.

The first time, he was waiting for her when she got home, sitting down in a dark enough corner of her new apartment that she only saw him when she turned the lights on. He almost gave her a heart attack. After that, twice more he was there when she got home (how he broke into her apartment so easily, she didn’t even bother asking), other times he would just sneak up her window or actually use the door, though the window was his favorite. Always scaring the living shit out of her, both from the sneaking up and from the wounds she had to patch up time and time again. She was certain someday her efforts wouldn’t be enough and he would die on her floor. And she would have to explain to the police what the hell one of the most wanted men in the whole State of New York was doing in her apartment. Dead. She secretly prayed that day would never come. She got used to it. To him.

They almost fell into a routine, really. When he was in trouble, he would come to her, always being careful so that no one would follow him and she wouldn’t be in any danger for being associated with him. She would patch him up as best as she could, once or twice having to call Claire for instructions, whom she found out did the same thing to… a certain other vigilante. Karen got her number from Foggy. She was more skilled than she ever would have thought. Stitching was now one of her specialties. After she patched him up, he would use her shower and slept on her couch, and sometimes they’d have coffee together the next morning. Other times, he would already be gone by the time she woke up, always showing up later to let her know he was fine, mumbling a thank you. Never talking too much. She didn’t push him, either. She had given up trying to change him after that night in the woods. Sometimes he would start a conversation, mostly about how he thought she was being reckless by chasing this or that lead and telling her to ‘quit getting herself in trouble’.  

They often shared information about their own jobs. If you could even call what Frank did a job. She would tell him whenever she started looking into a case involving crimes and sometimes would ask for his help to scare people into giving her more information on her cases. He never complied right away but would always show up a few days later with the information she needed. She didn’t ask him how he got it. He would tell her about the people he was after. Who were the ones to stab/shoot/try to kill him this time around. Sometimes they drank together. Karen was always the first to get wasted, never really getting to see him drunk. She would wake up the next morning with a glass of water and an aspirin in her bedside table. And no Frank.

Sometimes they would talk about more personal things. Karen would always spill when she was drunk. Ended up telling him everything about her brother. And Wesley. How she killed him in cold blood, shot him six, seven times, without even hesitating, only stopped when not even the bullets to his chest were making him move anymore. She cried that night. And she doesn’t know if she was dreaming or if it really happened, but she thinks she remembers Frank holding her and then carrying her to bed. She doesn’t know if it’s real though, or just her mind playing tricks on her.

Two times he tells her about his wife, how they met. How he cried like a baby when they found out she was pregnant with Lisa. One time he tells her about Lisa and Frankie Jr. He clenches his jaw and stops talking after a few minutes. After that he leaves and only comes back a week and a half later. Karen understands.

 And so her life went on, and she knew he was always around. He helped her out of a few bad situations more than once, too. From a couple of attempted muggings, to the times when an article’s leads led her to not so safe places and she ended up surrounded by man that wanted to kill her. Either way, Frank had been there.

And so had Matt.

Every single time she was in trouble, Matt had been there, as well. No, not Matt. Daredevil. The Devil of Hell’s Kitchen. Whatever they called him. He was always there, lurking in the shadows, ready to step out whenever she needed him. She wasn’t sure if he was keeping an eye on her or on Frank. Making sure he didn’t kill that many people, trying to explain to Frank that a common thief didn’t deserve to die just because _Karen_ had been his victim. But he was there. And she was confused. So confused. But she didn’t tell him, she just avoided any kind of dialogue with him that didn’t involve “thank you” and “take care” and “bye, Matt”.

She avoided him. She didn’t want to deal with all the feelings she had towards Matt Murdock. Anger. Sadness. Disappointment. Hurt. Frustration. _Love_. She wasn’t stupid, nor was she trying to fool herself. She was still in love with Matt Murdock, but it was different than when she had been in love with him before she found out. Before the lying and the mistrusting and _her_. Maybe Karen could have forgiven Matt for not telling her he was Daredevil since the beginning. Or even after Foggy found out, and she was the only one who didn’t know. She could have forgiven him for that.

She hated that he had made her feel like an idiot and lied to her face, when she was so willing to accept everything that he was. For God’s sake, she was more than happy to begin a relationship with him when she was certain he was in a fight club, or had a drinking problem, or _something_. It didn’t matter, she loved him anyway, and she was willing to accept whatever his problem was, and help him through it, by loving him in spite of it. She would have been nothing but proud to know he was Daredevil then. The hero who had saved her life and the lives of so many others in Hell’s Kitchen, who had helped them put Fisk behind bars.

But that was before. Before he chose to engage in a relationship with her even though he was lying to her about who he was, and where he was, and what he was doing, and who he was doing it with. Before he chose _her_ over Foggy and Karen herself, before _she_ and _her ways_ cost them their best chance to expose Reyes and help Frank. Before he refused to tell her the truth even when she so desperately _asked_ him to tell her what was going on. Before he left her hanging in that court house like she was nothing more than his secretary to whom he owed no explanations at all. Before he didn’t even show up to Frank’s trial and finished betraying hers and Foggy’s trust completely. Before she caught him with _her_ , in their underwear, on his couch, _touching each other’s scars affectionately_. Before he confessed he wanted to leave everything and everyone, including Karen, behind, to run away with _her_.

Before all of that, she would have been _thrilled_ to know that the hero she was going to be eternally grateful to for saving her life and the man she loved were the same person. But not now. Not after everything. Not when being Daredevil became only one more in the pile of secrets Matt kept from her. Not after he led her on, actually making her believe he was feeling the same way for her as she was for him, only to rip it away from her in the worst way possible.

She did forgive Daredevil, though. She still strongly supported him and what he was doing for this city and she was still grateful to him, admired him. Who she couldn’t bring herself to forgive was Matt Murdock. Matt Murdock, who had done nothing but hurt her and lie to her.

But lately she didn’t think of him so much. Between her time at The Bulletim, chasing down leads and being with Frank, especially the time she spent with Frank, she found she was growing more and more used to a life without Matt Murdock. And every day she missed him less.

She came home half expecting to find Frank waiting for her, it had been a while, maybe a week, since she had last seen him. He had taken a nasty stab to his side and she was worried about it. She knew he wouldn’t be careful enough to not bust the stitches right open. And so she was anxiously waiting for the day he would come through her door safe and sound. Maybe a little beat up, but alive and well.

Instead, when she turned the lights on, she found Matt silently sitting on her couch. She jumped when she first saw him, definitely not expecting it.

“Jesus Christ!” She said, instinctively putting a hand in her chest. “What the hell are you doing here, Matt? Are you trying to give me a heart attack? Jeez, what is it with people and breaking into my apartment?!” She half screamed, half mumbled the last part.

“So you have been seeing him?” He asked, raising his eyebrows and pursing his lips, the way that he does that makes his lips seem even plumper, and she honestly just wants to slap him for being so damn attractive. She was not about to let him interrogate her, though, no matter how cute his lips were.

“What are you talking about?” Damn right she would play dumb. She didn’t appreciate that he was spying on her enough to know she had been seeing Frank. And she sure as hell wouldn’t give him any explanations about if or why she was doing it.

He stood up, “You know what I’m talking about, Karen. I know you’ve been seeing Frank. He’s been coming here. Staying the night. Don’t lie to me. I can tell, remember?”

She let out a sarcastic chuckle. “That’s rich coming from you.” How dare he talk to her about lying?

“This has nothing to do with what happened between us, Karen, I’m here to discuss why the hell you’re putting yourself in so much danger!” That came as a yell and Karen was not going to take it.

“You have noting to do with what I do or don’t do or who I let spend the night in my couch. I’m not your responsibility, Matt. You don’t have to worry about me, I’m doing just fine.”

“Are you, Karen, really? How long do you think that will last, huh? How long until one of the millions of criminals Frank pissed off finds out you’re his go-to-girl? And what do you think will happen to you then?”

Karen didn’t have super hearing, but she could tell he was angry now. She hadn’t seen Matt angry many times. Well, she was angry too. “It’s none of your damn business,” She raised her voice now and his eyes widened a little. Sometimes she even forgot he was blind. “You have no right to break into my apartment and try to tell me how to live my life. Frank is my _friend_. I don’t care how many people he has pissed off and how much danger I’m in, I won’t turn my back on him and let him bleed out on the street because it’s too dangerous to let him in!” She all but yelled at him.

“What is it about him? What is it about Frank Castle that makes you lose your good judgment?” This one took her by surprise. To be completely honest, she didn’t know.

“Since when is helping a friend bad judgment?”

“You can’t be friends with the Punisher, Karen. Not without paying the price. He’s dangerous, and he leaves a trail of chaos and death behind him. And at some point, that trail is going to lead right up to your door.” He sighed. “I’m only here because I-I care about you, Karen. You know that.”

Karen gulped. She didn’t want to do this. She couldn’t. She couldn’t have him here, in her house, telling her he cares about her and is worried about her like nothing happened.

“Look, Matt, I appreciate your concern, I do. But I don’t need it, I don’t want it. We’re not… friends anymore, ok? I don’t want your opinion, or your advice. You have nothing to do with my life anymore, and I have nothing to do with yours,” She held back the tears threatening to spill.

He looked down and took a deep breath. The expression on his face only making her tears more eager to burst out of her eyes. She knew that would throw him off. She didn’t want to hurt him, but she wanted him gone and she would say anything for him to leave.

“You know that’s not true. I can tell you still care about me, Karen. You can’t lie to me. Please, just, let me back into your life, let me protect you.” He took a step towards her and she took a step back.

Fuck his superpowers. Getting into arguments with Matt was absolutely infuriating and she wanted to cry and scream at him. And kiss him and just hold him until they sorted all of their problems. But she knew that would never happen.

“I’m not going to have this discussion with you, Matt. You came here to tell me to stay away from Frank. My answer is no, I won’t stay away from him. He’s a part of my life now, and I don’t want to let him go. I don’t need your protection, and I don’t want it, either. You need to leave, now.” She was sure he could literally hear her holding back her tears and swallowing the lump in her throat.  But he could also tell she was telling the truth. Good.

“For fuck’s sake, Karen, be reasonable,” This time he screamed. And this was the first time she saw him like this. “He’s dangerous, you must know that. Hell, you’ve seen the things he’s done and what he’s capable of. There’s only so much faith you can put in a man like Frank, and you’re crossing that line. He’s a troubled man, Karen.”

That did it. She couldn’t believe he was saying this, she knew he didn’t mean it. She knows Matt and Frank, no, Daredevil and the Punisher, constantly bumped into each other while fighting crime and she knows for a fact they have some sort of comradery going on. And even if he does believe this, she’s not going to have him saying Frank would hurt her when he’s the one who hurt her more than Frank ever could.

“How can you say that about him? Frank would _never_ hurt me, you know that damn well. He has saved my life more than once and he has _always_ been there for me. Even when you weren’t.”

Silence. Now she was enraged and he was going to hear it.

“That’s right, Matt. Remember when you were running around playing hero with your long lost love and I was getting shot at? Who was there for me then, huh, Matt? Frank! Frank was there, not you. And who was also there when the goddamn blacksmith had a gun to my head and was ready to blow my brains out? Right, Frank! Not you, again! Because you were too busy doing God knows what with _her_. So don’t even for a moment tell me Frank Castle is going to hurt me, because the only one who has hurt me, _wrecked_ me, is you. Not him.” And so the tears came. She turned around and tried to cover her mouth to muffle her sobs.

She took it too far. She knew. But she wasn’t about to let Matt talk about Frank like he was some monster who could hurt her anytime. No. Frank would never. He was one of the only good things in her life anymore. She didn’t want to admit it, but it was true. And Matt was not going to take that away from her too.

He came close to her and reached out a hand to touch her arm. She quickly turned around and slapped his hand away.

“No, don’t. Don’t touch me. You need to leave, Matt.”

He held his hands up and took a step back.

“I can’t. I won’t. Please, Karen, please, let’s talk. I know I hurt you, and I’ll never forgive myself for that. But I love you. I do, please, you know it’s true,” A sob escaped her mouth and she covered her face with her hands and turned away from him. She didn’t want him to see her like this. Too late. “I’m sorry about what happened with Elektra, but it was never love. Please. I know you love me, too, Karen, I can hear it in your voice.”

He closed the distance between them and wrapped his arms around her. “Please forgive me. I’ll never hurt you again.” She pushed his arms away from around her waist and turned around to face him.

“You’re right. I do still love you. I have loved you for a long time, Matt. But you threw that away with your lies. And as much as I want to, I can’t forgive you,” The sobs continued to come and she had to catch her breath. It was true, she loved him, and she wanted to forgive him and forget about everything, but she couldn’t. “I can’t forgive you for being with her and for choosing her and for wanting to leave with her,”

“Karen, I-” He started to say something, but she didn’t want to hear it, she already knew what he was going to say. That he didn’t love her, that he loved Karen. That he felt trapped and confused and _she_ was the only one who knew who he was, etc. She didn’t want to hear it all over again.

“No, Matt. I know what you’re going to say. It doesn’t matter, your reasons don’t matter. What matters is that you would have left with her if she hadn’t died. And I’m sorry she did, but I can never be with you knowing that I was your second choice. That you’re only with me because she’s dead. I just can’t.” She stopped to calm herself and whipped away her tears. New ones instantly replacing them.

“Can you hear the truth in my voice now?” She was being mean now, she knew. But she didn’t care anymore. He had to go. And this was the truth, she wanted him to know. She was not going to forgive him. Not anytime soon, at least.

He just nodded and after a moment of staring at her, he started walking away. He stopped at the door and turned to her. “You have always been my first choice. You always will be. I’ll wait for you, Karen. However long you need. Take care of yourself.” And with that, he left.

Karen dropped to her knees and let the tears come. She had to let it all out, no point in holding it back. She was so overwhelmed. Today was the anniversary of her little brother’s death and all she wanted was to drink herself to oblivion and not think about it. Or Matt. Or all the pain he had caused her. But he had come to her, to yell at her things she couldn’t believe he had the nerve to say. To tell her to stay away from Frank. The only person in her life lately who gave her a sense of… belonging. Of happiness. Of safety. The only person who could actually make her forget about everything. Maybe it was the adrenaline that came with being around him, maybe it was the fact that she was always having to stitch up a gunshot or stop a bleeding or pour scotch over a wound . It didn’t matter. He made her feel good, and she was not going to give that up.

She stayed like that for at least 15 minutes before she decided it was enough. She got up and for the millionth time that night, whipped her tears away. She finally made it to her room, which had been her desire ever since she stepped into her apartment earlier that night.

She threw herself down on her bed and didn’t even get two minutes of peaceful silence before she heard a noise that seemed like someone opening the window of her living room. She instantly grabbed the gun she kept under her bed and carefully made her way to where the noise came from.

“Hey, hey, it’s me,” Frank threw his hands up when she pointed the gun at him.

“Jesus Christ! Is today ‘Ruin Karen’s Night Day’?” She put the gun down and let herself relax in her couch.

“You look like hell.”

She gave him a look and sighed, putting a hand in her forehead. “What do you want, Frank? I’m really not feeling very well tonight. Do you need anything? Are you hurt?” She asked, trying to look for any visible wounds. Couldn’t find any.

“I heard everything.”

She froze.

“What?”

“I heard you and Red.” He mumbled.

She could not fucking believe it. She stood up.

“You were listening to us? What the fucking hell, Frank? Why?” She said, raising her voice. She wanted to punch him. He heard everything she said, about him, about Matt, about everything. That was personal.

“No need to get so worked up, yeah? I wanted to check on you tonight cos’ of this fucking serial killer thing going around, wanted to know if you had any info on him, and when I got here I heard Red, so I waited.” He answered, calmly, much to her distress. Like it was no big deal that he had just overheard her pouring her heart out to Matt and falling apart afterwards.

Karen sighed in frustration and shook her head. But the fact the he said he wanted to check on her didn’t pass her by, she was just too angry to acknowledge it. “And when you realized what was going on you couldn’t have just left and come back later? I can’t believe this.”

He just stared at her, “Are you ok?”

She took a shaky breath. She couldn’t cry in front of him. Not that he hadn’t already heard (or seen, who knows) her crying on her living room floor after Matt left, but she didn’t want to do it again. If she started crying now, she wouldn’t stop anytime soon.

“Fine. I need to be alone.” She wrapped her arms around herself.

“I don’t think that’s what you need right now.” He caught her off guard. Frank had never sounded very caring. She knew he did, but he never let it show, until now. His voice was soft. Or as soft as she thinks he could ever master. There was worry in it. He didn’t want to leave her alone, because he knew she wasn’t going to be ok.

So much for not crying in front of him. “My brother died 6 years ago today. It’s been six years since I last saw his face… Heard his voice.” She says between sobs, and Frank just stares at her. And for a moment his eyes are as soft as his voice had been and she thinks he’ll come closer to her, but he doesn’t, and so she goes on.

“I just wanted to come home and drink until it was tomorrow, but then Matt.” She chokes on her own sobs. “He had no right. No fucking right at all. How dare he? After everything he did to me, he had the nerve to come in here and make demands, try to tell me what to do,” She pauses. “He wants me to stay away from you.” She knew he must have heard it, but she says it nonetheless. Wants to see his reaction.

“He’s right about that”. He says, almost too low for her to hear. But she does, and she can’t believe it.

She shakes her head in disbelief. “He’s right? You think he was right? To tell me to stay away from you because you’re dangerous, because you’ll hurt me?” She wonders what her neighbors think of her. Crazy girl that keeps yelling at different guys in her apartment.

“That’s not what I mean-” She doesn’t let him finish.

“What did you mean, Frank? Huh? Are you going to hurt me?” She starts walking closer to him and he shifts. “Eventually? When you’re having a bad day and I’m too annoying? Will you just shoot me? Kill me? Maybe just hit me?” She slams her hands in his chest in an attempt to shove him, but he doesn’t move. “Come on, Frank.” She slams her hands in his chest again. “Hit me. Show me the big bad Punisher.” And again. “Come on, if you’re so dangerous and I should stay away from you, give me a good reason.” She’s about to push him one more time when he grabs both her fists in his hands and pulls her into him so they’re standing face to face.

“Stop.” He says. His breath on her face and she’s almost afraid, but she decides she won’t be. He won’t hurt her, she knows it.

“Or what?” She challenges. His eyes dark, his grip on her wrists strong, she’s quite sure they’ll bruise, and for a moment she wonders if he’s really capable of hurting her. They stare into each other’s eyes for a moment, neither giving in, when she realizes she’s crying, there are silent tears running down her cheeks and she doesn’t know if she’s been crying the whole time or if they just started. “Get off me.” She says, finally. He doesn’t. She starts fighting against him, trying to wiggle her way out of his grip, but he’s too strong. Before she can start kicking him, he’s pulling her into him entirely, pressing her to his chest, both his arms around her, embracing her completely.

“Shh, it’s ok. You’re ok.” And suddenly she’s holding a handful of his shirt, clinging to him, crying into his chest, while he mumbles calming words to her and presses soft kisses to her head. “I’ve got you, I’m sorry.”

They stay like that for a while before she pulls away. Too embarrassed to meet his eyes. When she turns to go to her room, he grabs her arm, rubs the spot he held a little too forcefully earlier “I would never hurt you.” He mutters before letting her go.

She goes into her room and closes the door. She hears him kick his boots off and lay down on the couch, and she hopes the next morning will be one of those when they have coffee together.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Tell me what you think!


End file.
